


Any Path To Heaven

by lukeinallhisglory



Series: Poetry [5]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Ending Relationship, F/F, Free Verse, Growing Up, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-16 00:17:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15424812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukeinallhisglory/pseuds/lukeinallhisglory
Summary: The poem where I spill my soul about the woman I once thought would be my future wife.





	Any Path To Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> Please ignore the title of this work, I swear it's not really related, it's just a thousand layers deep in code for her name. 
> 
> Sooo I really don't want to say much because I just sort of need to let this go free, but I really hope you enjoy it

I’ve been looking at her so long I’ve forgotten why

I could color match her skin with paint samples

I could tell you every color her hair has been

In order of how much I liked it

I’ve spent 10 years memorizing her eyes

Still haven’t figured out what color I’d call them

She says brown but it just falls flat that way

She pulls at her hair when she’s nervous

I have an image of it playing ceaselessly in my head

I think I’m going to see images of her on my deathbed

I never really noticed when she became my standard

I would say I didn’t like anyone and it started to feel like half a lie

She sort of just bled into my life

Turning blue to purple

Black to grey

 

In a way it all means nothing

Because she’s got big California dreams

And I just don’t

But it’s also completely unparalleled

She’s my home base

No perspective without her

I never would have noticed I liked girls if it weren’t for her

She’s my fire starter kit

Nothing without her

 

She invaded my dreams when I was 12

And it didn’t mean anything

But she said “Hi” the next day and it made me blush

It’s ridiculous how good she looks just in a college sweatshirt and leggings

Everyone is wearing a college sweatshirt and leggings

And yet no one is _wearing_ it quite like that

 

She holds herself like she still feels as insecure as she did when we were 13

But I see past it

I think she might be the only person whose flaws don’t make me run

I see past them

She’s the kind of beautiful that plays itself down

But I see past it

Sometimes I think her absence will make me homesick

Heartsick

Lovesick

 

Because she’s just so goddamn safe

And it’s been 10 years since I’ve been without her

And I just don’t get what I’m supposed to do on my own

I feel like a flounder

Like play doh being pushed back into the tub

Like pressing start over

I’m back at Go

But she’s got this crazy California dream

And it’s not that it and me are mutually exclusive

But it doesn’t feel inclusive

To move across the world to feel intrusive

 

She should have her dreams

And not worry about me

Or what we’ll be

But if I ever see her again I’m gonna marry her

I’m really not dumb enough to let her go twice

Because I’ve spent 10 years memorizing her eyes

I forgot how I felt because it became so normal

But I’m not stupid enough to forget twice

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :) Let me know what you thought and click through to my other stuff if you're feeling courageous.


End file.
